A frivolous look at the types of temperaments
In medieval art, choleric, phlegmatic, melancholic and sanguine people are personified by a lion, a lamb, a boar and a monkey, respectively.
The classification of human temperaments into four classic types is, of course, no longer up to date. Science has long proposed many new classifications for this – remember at least introverts and extroverts . Of course, none of them is exhaustive, but looking at an object from an ironic point of view can be amusing.
Do you know what horsepower is? A conscientious motorist will say that this is a unit of measurement for the calculation of the vehicle tax. The drill adds that it is equivalent to 735.49875 watts. Every prospective Greek philologist will spit in both their faces. And he will be right, because "horsepower" in Greek will sound like Hippocrates.
At this name the paramedics fall on their knees. Dentists can even be baptized. Everyone who once put on a white robe remembers this oath. Painters do not count, they accidentally have a white coat. The rest swears. They swear not to harm the patient. Although only a pathologist can do this with confidence.
It seems – enough! In Russia alone there are seven hundred thousand doctors. A whole Tyumen doctors. And everyone swears! All of Tyumen, including elderly people and small children.
No, the energetic Hippocrates did not stop here. He still took everything and divided it up. Divided people into four types of temperaments. Furthermore, not knowing how to properly justify the criteria, he clumsily referred to liquids. Apparently about what he knew best. Strange are also the names: choleric, phlegmatic, melancholic and sanguine. We breathe air – it becomes further frightening.
CHOLERIC
I also thought earlier it was a cholera patient. No, that's a kind of temper.
The person is perceptive, like a diarrhea in a responsible assembly.
He is hot and loose. By the time you realize you've said something offensive to him, he's already managed to fight with you, make peace, and take out a mortgage loan from the bank. His mood changes faster than the weather in the Baltics.
The choleric's wife moves around the house to sleep with earplugs and glasses on. Often locked in the kitchen, as a precaution, does not sharpen knives.
Phlegmatics and Scandinavians are friends with cholerics.
At work, a choleric person is indispensable as a salesman in a store with last-minute deals, although many who step on the neck of a vocation work as heads of large companies.
Hippocrates believes that yellow bile predominates in the choleric organism. This could not be verified so far, because not a single choleric person goes voluntarily for examination.
Choleric person founds st. Petersburg and write "Eugene Onegin", take Ishmael and open the periodic table and vodka. Vodka is usually opened first.
PHLEGMATIC PERSON
While the choleric conquers the world, the phlegmatic opens sprats. Look more closely at your friends. If one of them loves sprats, they are almost certainly phlegmatic.
He is without haste and unperturbed. When the ceiling collapses in the apartment, the phlegmatic person does not drive up until his slippers are stained with whitewash. Even when things get dirty, the phlegmatic person only looks up in surprise. If the reaction is brighter, look closer – you may have a hidden choleric person in front of you.
The phlegmatic person is constant in his preferences. You will never convince him that Coca-Cola is better than Pepsi – he is loyal to only one brand. Usually it's "Tarhun".
A phlegmatic person is monogamous, he loves only his wife. Yours or someone else's depends on the happiness of a certain woman.
A phlegmatic person can be friends with anyone – he does not care. This is used by outcasts and renegades, rejected by choleric people and the rest of the world.
They work great as jewelers. But in nature there are many more phlegmatic people than jewelers need, so some representatives of this type work as air traffic controllers. As a last resort – agronomists.
Hippocrates is sure that the predominance of lymph in the body, or as they said in his time, phlegmatic people, makes phlegmatic people calm and slow. Nonsense! Many of the phlegmatic people I knew were completely dry.
For all their apparent inertia, phlegmatic people usually win at Borodino and write fables about the crow and the fox. And about the quartet.
And one more thing: never assume a phlegmatic person in the interlocutor without checking – maybe the person is just sleeping.
MELANCHOLIC
Do you also hear crying? Look around you – there is a melancholic next to you. Maybe it has started raining, or maybe the person is just sad.
He is vulnerable, sensitive, sad and anxious. Don't insult him, the melancholic person has enough reasons to be sad even without you. They are the ones who can imperceptibly watch the sunset behind the mountain ranges. If the sinking of the Titanic is only a movie for you, you are not melancholic.
He does not watch soccer as a matter of principle, so as not to get upset. Whereby I must say that not only melancholic cry from the game of individual teams.
The melancholic has a heightened need for empathy, but he is rarely married – few are willing to put up with such a dull creature, and there are not enough Mothers Teresa to go around.
Cats come to the rescue. The melancholic takes advantage of the fact that these animals are weaker than man, and forcibly befriends them. He does not let him out of the house, so that the unreasonable animal does not catch cold and, above all, does not run away forever.
The melancholic makes good critics and auditors. If the melancholic person is lucky enough to be born a woman, the ideal profession is a professional mourner in a cemetery. Allows you to combine business with pleasure.
In continuation of the false theory of Hippocrates, it is worth mentioning that the predominance of black bile in the body makes a person sad and anxious. It turns out that a melancholic differs from a choleric only by the color of this bile? How did he check it? Or did the great doctor remember the behavior of the deceased when opening the gall bladder in a Greek mortuary? Many questions remain.
At the same time melancholic people also leave clear traces. They notice the obvious imperfection, formulate a theory about the origin of man from an ape, write about dead souls and create brilliant funeral marches. However, the latter is not surprising.
SANGUINIC
What did they think that Hippocrates did not have normal types? So they are melancholic. And there is such a type. This is a sanguine person. Lively, agile, easily confronted with setbacks, well, just beautiful, not a person!
Energetic, efficient and balanced.
The character is self-controlled.
He maintains good relations with colleagues at work.
Fulfills his official duties impeccably.
Relentless against the enemies of the realm.
Usually a great athlete.
Usually he is happily married and is not noticed in relationships that discredit him.
The ideal job for a sanguine person is the president of the Russian Federation. The position is rare, but there are not many real sanguine in life.
If a person considers himself a sanguine person, he is most likely a choleric person with the beginnings of megalomania. In general, it is the dream of every choleric and melancholic to be a sanguine person. The phlegmatic person does not care.
You will laugh, but according to Hippocrates, there is blood in the body of a sanguine person. Yes, yes, it makes a person mobile and cheerful. Not sweat or saliva, as you might expect from a creative Greek, but blood.
Sanguine people write brilliant music, for which they are usually poisoned by the melancholy Salieri. To be objective, we also say that sanguine people lose the battle of Borodino to phlegmatic people. And also the battle of Waterloo.
P.S. Finally, here is a simple example to illustrate:
When a choleric breaks a plate in his heart, the melancholic mourns the lost crockery, and the sanguine gathers and throws away the fragments. And the phlegmatic will simply not pay attention to it.