Exclusive: Russian officer reveals why he risked everything to stop Putin’s war in Ukraine

"We were dirty and tired. People around us died. 'I didn't want to feel like I was a part of it, but I was,' official told CNN.

He said he went to his commanding officer and resigned his commission on the spot.

CNN does not name the official and does not include personal information that would help identify him for security purposes.

His story is remarkable, but it could also be one of many, according to war opponents in Russia and Ukraine, who say they have heard of many cases where soldiers – both professional and conscripted – refused to fight. .

Russian troops are fighting in Ukraine with low morale and high casualties, according to assessments by Western officials, including the Pentagon.

According to the UK's Intelligence, Cybersecurity and Security Agency, some have even refused to carry out orders.

Russia's Defense Ministry did not respond to a CNN request for comment.

An unknown mission

The official, who spoke to CNN, said he was part of the massive troop buildup in western Russia that has sparked global fears about Ukraine. But he said he hadn't thought much about it, even on 22. February this year, when he and the rest of his battalion were told to hand in their cell phones while stationed in Krasnodar in southern Russia, without any explanation.

That night, they spent hours painting white stripes on their military vehicles. Then they were told to wash it, he said. "The order has changed, draw the letter Z, as in Zorro," he recalls.

"The next day, we were taken to the Crimea and. Honestly, I thought, we are not going to Ukraine. I didn't think it would come to this," the man told.

As his unit gathered in Crimea – the Ukrainian region annexed by Russia in 2014 – President Vladimir Putin launched on 24. February his new invasion of Ukraine.

But the officer said he and his comrades didn't know anything about it because they hadn't received any news and they were cut off from the outside world without their phones.

Two days later, they were ordered to Ukraine themselves, the official told CNN.

"Some guys have flatly refused. You have written a report and gone. Don't know what happened to them. I stayed. I do not know why. The next day we left," he said.

The officer said he did not know the purpose of the mission; that Russian President Vladimir Putin's lofty claims that Ukraine was part of Russia and needed to be "de-Nazified" were not conveyed to the men called to fight.

"We were not hammered by any kind of 'Ukrainian Nazi' rhetoric. Many didn't understand what this was for and what we were doing here," he said.

He told CNN he hopes for a diplomatic solution and feels guilty about Russia's invasion of Ukraine. But he added that he was not familiar with politics.

In contradiction

The first thing the soldier remembers after his unit crosses the border in a long column of vehicles is boxes of Russian dry rations scattered everywhere and piles of destroyed equipment.

"I was sitting in the KAMAZ [truck], holding a gun pressed firmly against me. I had a pistol and two grenades with me," he said.

The troop drove northwest in the direction of Kherson. As they approached a village, a man with a whip jumped up and started whipping the convoy, yelling, "You're all screwed!" reminds the official.

"He almost got into the cabin we were in. His eyes were watering from crying. It impressed me a lot," he added. "Usually, we were tense when we saw the locals. Some of them hid weapons under their clothes, and when they came closer, they fired."

He said he would hide his face for both shame and safety because he was embarrassed to be seen there by Ukrainians. On their land.

He said the Russians had also come under greater attack, with shelling on the second or third day they were in Ukraine.

"For about the first week, I was in a state of aftershock. I have not thought of anything," he told CNN. "I just went to bed thinking, 'Today is the 1. March. Tomorrow I will wake up, it will be the 2. March be, the main thing is to live another day.' Several times the shells fell very close. 'It's a miracle that none of us died,' he said.

Reactions in the ranks

The officer told CNN he was not the only soldier worried or confused about why they were sent to invade Ukraine.

But he also remembers some cheering up when they learned that combat bonuses would soon be paid out.

"Someone had a reaction: 'Oh, 15 more days here and I'll cancel the loan,'" he said.

After a few weeks, the officer was deployed closer to the stern and accompanied equipment in need of repair, he said.

There, he said he also became more aware of what was going on and had more time and energy to think about it.

"We had a radio receiver and could hear the news," he told CNN. "That's how I learned that businesses are closing in Russia and the economy is collapsing. I felt guilty about it. But I felt even more guilty because we came to Ukraine."

He said his resolve hardened to the point that he could only do one more thing.

"In the end, I gathered my strength and went to the commander to write a letter of resignation," he told CNN.

Initially, the commander rejected the approach and told him that it was impossible to refuse to serve.

"He told me there could be a criminal case. This refusal is treason. But held out. He gave me a piece of paper and a pen," the official told CNN, adding that he wrote his resignation on the spot.

Report on other "refuseniks"

There were other reports in the tightly controlled Russian media environment of soldiers refusing to fight.

Valentina Melnikova, executive secretary of the Union of Committees of Soldiers' Mothers of Russia, said many complaints and concerns were heard as the first units left Ukraine to rest.

"Soldiers and officers wrote resignation reports indicating that they could not successfully return," she told CNN. "The main reasons are, first, the moral and psychological state. And the second reason is moral convictions. They wrote reports then and are writing reports now."

Melnikova, whose organization was founded in 1989, said all troops have the right to file reports, but acknowledged that some commanders may reject them or try to intimidate soldiers.

His organization often advises soldiers on writing these reports and provides legal advice.

the Ukrainian intelligence service informed that in several Russian units, in particular, the 150. motorized rifle division of the 8. Army of the Southern Military District, up to 60% to 70% of soldiers refused to serve.

CNN cannot verify this number.

In Russia, Melnikova told CNN there were "numerous" cases of soldiers refusing to fight in Ukraine, but declined to elaborate, citing legal and security concerns.

Aleksei Tabalov, a human rights activist and director of a Russian aid organization for conscripts, told CNN he had personally consulted with two soldiers who had left the military.

"The same guys who refused to fight and turned to us, there were two of them, but from the brigade they left, another 30 people refused to fight," Tabalov told CNN.

Tabalov said that when the soldiers applied for resignation, they indicated that they had not agreed to participate in a special operation against Ukraine when they signed the contract.

Absence without permission from the Russian army is a crime punishable by imprisonment. However, contract employees have the legal right to resign within 10 days of leaving, stating the reasons for the resignation.

"I can't say it's a mass phenomenon, but this phenomenon is pretty strong. If you estimate other organizations plus indirect information for all cases, the number exceeds 1.000," Tabalov told CNN.

He said recruitment was still ongoing in the country and new soldiers often came from poorer areas with fewer prospects.

Thousands of Russian soldiers have been killed in Ukraine since war began. Ukrainian forces estimate Russian casualties at more than 22,000. The last time the Russian Defense Ministry reported casualties was on 25. March and reported the death of 1.351 soldiers.

The department did not respond to CNN's request for an update.

The official who spoke to CNN is now with his family.

"What's going to happen next – I don't know," he said. "But I'm glad to be back home again."